The Kiwi, The Can Opener, and Jack
by fullhouseroxsavvy
Summary: JAck is lost in the Jungle when he finds the wish granting canopener, Will and his friends appear with a magenta Kiwi chasing after them. WARNING! Randomness WILL occur!
1. jack meets the magic can opener

The kiwi, the can opener...and, JACK!  
  
AN: my OTHER friend came up with this idea so I give credit to Phonexblade here... I don't own anything!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Well especially Jack...because he belongs to my friend hellbound666...he's her jackipoo...but other than that everything from pirates belongs to Disney or sum other people.... YAY!! Well...here goes a completely random story...it is random...not randomness...it a random story!!!! YAY!! Randomness is good!!! Ok...u probably don't want to hear me babble anymore...on with the story...o yah...one last thing the kiwi in this story is a fruit...  
  
Chapter 1: I DEMAND TRIBUTE!!!  
  
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Jack was wandering around after a long journey from the black pearl and the curse of the Aztec gold. He was tired and after a long journey, in terrible need of a rest. He was walking in the jungles of Africa, looking for a bungalow or something he could rest in for some time. But as he was walking along, he ran into this very odd thing sticking up out of the ground...it was...A TALKING CAN OPENER!!!! Jack was stunned by what he saw. HE slowly approached the strange, small, silvery object as if it were an alien.  
  
"I DEMAND tribute! I DEMAND tribute!" it robotically said over and over again.  
  
"Tribute eh?" asked Jack.  
  
He wondered what the can opener could actually DO, so he got some empty rum bottles and nudged them slowly towards the strange can opener.  
  
"Tribute paid. I will grant you one wish." Said the can opener.  
  
"OOH!! I wish I felt better," said Jack.  
  
"Okay." Said the can opener as he started to fill up the rum bottles.  
  
"I feel better already!" Jack exclaimed, rushing to drink his beloved rum.  
  
As Jack was finishing his precious rum, Will, Elizabeth, and Norrington came rushing through the forest. Jack grabbed 'his' IdemandTributeCanOpener and rushed for the nearest hammock he could find which obviously was in the middle of nowhere.  
  
"What are all ye people in such a hurry fer?" asked a very confuzzled Jack.  
  
"RUN!" Screamed Will.  
  
"The Magenta Kiwi of Antarctica is chasing us!" Said Elizabeth breathlessly.  
  
Commodore Norrington had a very...let's say DIFFERENT reason for running. "AAHH!!! The ducks of doom...are crawling up my pants!!!!!"  
  
"Great Norrington, the ugliest Commodore in the Universe!" taunted Elizabeth.  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I'm telling my mommy!!!"  
  
"Oh! So now, it's ugly crybaby Commodore! Who is really sixty years old!!!"  
  
"You think I'm sixty? WOW!!! How nice!!! I'm actually seventy-two years old..."  
  
"Then one hundred years old..."  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"I demand TRIBUTE!!!!" exclaimed the robotic can opener in Jack's hands.  
  
"Heheheh...He wants tribute!" said Jack.  
  
"No duh!" said Will, throwing Elizabeth to the can opener  
  
"Tribute paid...I will grant each of you one wish." Proclaimed the IdTaco (IdemandTributeCanOpener...he likes tacos...)  
  
"Ooh! Ooh! I want to be an elf!" asked...or more so...demanded Will.  
  
"Ok...your name is now Legolas."  
  
"I wish I was young!" cried the commodore.  
  
"Sorry...cannot grant wish...you must pay as tribute."  
  
"NOOOOOO!"  
  
The IdTaco grinded up Norrington' s wig, hat, and left hand. (Sorry KT!)  
  
"WAAA!!!!!!!!! I'm telling my mommy!!!!!"  
  
"Who cares mate? It's my turn to make a wish now." Aid jack pushing through the crowd, "I wish for a pet hamster...that knows Karate!"  
  
The IdTaco just granted Jack's wish in time...As the hamster appeared, this small magenta ball, that smelled VERY fruity rolled up behind them...  
  
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AN: That's the first chappie...not too short I hope!! What is that magenta ball? Review for more!! More reviews=longer chapters! Kk? I will update next week...Can we try to set a record for reviews for one chapter? So far it's seven...Let's try to send eight reviews for one chappie in a week...ready set GO!!! 


	2. The Kiwi can TALK!

AN: YAY!!!!!!!!! One review!!! Thanks MoonyLover2000!!! Jack sayz Hi to u!! Yup...well guys...I only had one review...so shorter chappie if that is possible for this story.... Here it is...  
  
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Chapter 2: The Kiwi's secret power  
  
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OK, Jack has The IdTaco, and a hamster that knows Karate. Will is now an elf named Legolas, Elizabeth was tribute, and Norrington made a stupid wish so he PAID as tribute...his wig, hat, and left hand.  
  
The fruity smelling magenta kiwi from Antarctica was rolling up behind the odd crew when Jack's special hamster chopped it in half with his amazing karate powers.  
  
"That hamster of yours really did a number on that fruit Jack!" said Will  
  
"HIS NAME IS NOT THAT HAMSTER!!! His name is Jack...isn't that just the coolest name ever?Well...YA...My Jack-hamster is the coolest!!!"  
  
The kiwi, actually the two pieces of the kiwi, instantly fused back together and grew a head! Now it is a rolling magenta fruity kiwi with a magenta ball-like head from Antarctica.  
  
"Jack your hamster now sucks!!! I cannot believe that a fruit can grow a head!!!" exclaimed a very pissed off Norrington.  
  
"How does my Jack-hamster suck? Maybe suck juice...but he likes to drink rum...ok...he just made the kiwi grow a head!!! Now we can talk to it! I wonder if he will be Elizabeth's new boyfriend!!! I hope it's a he...Elizabeth will leave us alone then!!" said Jack through his usual slur from being drunk...the rum strikes again!  
  
Now the rolling magenta fruity kiwi with a magenta ball-like head from Antarctica just rolled up behind them and started talking Gibberish. Legolas used his elf mind reading powers to translate the Gibberish to Elvish to English for the pirates.  
  
Kiwi: I am the special kiwi from Antarctica no one can hurt me, I am invincible, I am pretty. I like the color magenta. I speak gibberish and only gibberish, the can opener is my best friend, I want it back. His name is Werthiugy but you can call him Thugy. He LOVES tacos, especially ones from France. If you didn't know there were tacos in France, oh well...I am random. Pink rocks purple sucks. I trained Thugy to grant most wishes from people 50 and younger...Norrington, or in my language, Oldguy, is too, as we say, freaky-meaning old in your language elf, for my Thugy. That's why he is now tribute and you can't get him back. Elizabeth, or Weirdeyebrowdude, however, was paid by Will _for_ tribute so she is now on the tribute isle of Cherryberry. Where she lives a peaceful life as a blob until she meets her true love as an animal or fruit and gets married...you must rescue her if you wish to go on any more journeys, for I see that she is very important no matter how annoying her or her eyebrow is...you must rescue her.  
  
"WOW...that thing sure can say a lot in one breath...." Said jack  
  
"That's great!!! I hope her true love is me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" exclaimed Norrington  
  
"Why would it be you?" asked Legolas, "She already left you for me before I dumped her!!"  
  
"Well...I just thought...she might have...umm...changed...her mind?"  
  
"SHE WOULD NEVER MARRY A 72 YEAR OLD GUY!!"  
  
"And how would you know this my dear William? I don't think you are 72..." challenged Norrington gay boy  
  
Kiwi: (with Will/Legolas translating again) Oldguy, graceful Elfboy is right...you are just too old to hit on chicks anymore, not that Weirdeyebrowdude is one...but let's get off this subject...ok....Oldguy is too old for Weirdeyebrowdude and you Elfboy already dumped her so that gets rid of two of the possible choices! Jack? She only liked you when she was drunk...and even then, you two had a hard time getting along...you obviously aren't it, Rumlover. So that leaves only all the rest of the people in the world...and the fruits...excluding the girls except for the slight chance that she would be gay...but the only gay person in this world is Oldguy.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! What has this world come to???" screeched Norrington.

So Elizabeth is trapped on the isle of Cherryberry, does the crew plan on rescuing her? Will she ever get off that island? What is that island like? AND WHAT is _the_ **ultimate **power of the Kiwi and his pet Thugy the canopener who likes tacos from France?

AN: all those questions will be answered later in the story...i like very odd cliffies...yup...since you are reading this right now i just want you to take five seconds to click that little purple button right down there in the corner and tell me what you thought and if i should even continue writing this. oh I forgot a disclaimer so here it is

I don't own any POTC character they all belong to disney, I don't own Legolas, He belongs to J.R.R. Tolkein, i don't own the idea for the story, that goes to Phoenixblade....  
Whew! ok...are all you Lawyer people happy now? review please! I hope you like this chapter better now because the first chapter was just setting the scene, the real action will start in the next chappie...but only of my review count for this story reaches to 5 so all you guys have to send in is FOUR reviews!! is that asking too much? well...now i'm just wasting your review time! o well... when you find the time pleze review! thanx the third chappie will be up soon for u guys! THANX MOONYLOVER2000!!!!!!!!!!! U reviewed!


	3. The secret powers of the fruit's pet

AN: YAY!! You guys get some action and a real long chappie! Now for thanx to my reviewers...  
  
Idk- I know who u are...don't make me laugh!! U are KT!!!! I'm saying sry b/c I chopped off Norrington's LEFT hand...that not important to the story anyway but great.  
  
Commadore- I no who u are too!!! Yes, commodore's very well MAY be people...but is that any reason for me to like them??? (Note to reviewers of this story: I have a strong dislike for Elizabeth and the Commodore. If you haven't figured that out already...you haven't been paying too much attention!! O well)  
  
Fullhouseroxsavvy- Ya you...y did u review ur self? O well...I hope people read it so that they no y I didn't delete the reviews below....(thanks for that idea Scampi!!! U people should read Scampi's stories! They're funny!)  
  
PotCluver- I think I no who this is too...if I'm wrong about this reviewer...sry to the person who sent this review... but I think this is ISEEKWORLDDOMINATION! Ya...she would write something like that...thanx 4 ur review!!  
  
OK...onto the next chappie.  
  
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Chapter 3- The hidden abilities of the fruit's pet

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Jack was stumbling along trying to decide if this kiwi thing was for real, when the canopener just started blurting out, "Intruder! Intruder!"

You may not understand just how smart a stupid canopener can be, actually, a stupid canopener has so much artificial intelligence, that it can not even be classified as stupid, it is classified as the super A smarty-pants. That may not have made any sense, but if you read it carefully enough, it resembles something Captain Jack himself said once. Anyway, The canopener was right about an intruder, Gillette came bounding through to seek council from the one above him, his leader and only friend, Norrington. In fact, they are each other's only friends. Gillette had heard of the kiwi and came to "rescue" Norrington, although Norrington was on a quest to save Elizabeth, who likes him even worse than her corset.

Kiwi: (With Legolas translating) Who is this person who seems to be old worshipping Oldguy?

"This is my one true friend Gillette, and my Understudy, he is under me in his studies, therefore when he has to study, he carries me on his back." explained Norrington.

Kiwi: That is NOT what an understudy is.

"Newbie owe tribute! Newbie owe tribute!" demanded Thugy.

"But...but..but...i have nothing to give!" stammered Gillette

"Newbie evil!" pronounced Thugy, sending out an army of juice boxes to the rescue with a straw for each one.

The juice attacked Gillette, giving him indigestion (i don't know how!) and horrible stains on his clothes and wig that will never come out, no matter what.

Then...the Glad plastic wrap came out, wrapping up all of Gillette's uniform, leaving him standing in only a tie and pants (lucky for him i do not like him!).

"Do you want more, Newbie? Or do you have tribute now?" said Thugy.

"I told you! I'm afraid i have nothing to give!!!" exclaimed Gillette.

Bad move...FoilMan, useful in both the kitchen and math, came punching gillette until he donated his tie to Thugy for tribute. (For those of you who do not know me, which is most of you, FoilMan is a little Ken doll that my alge teacher dressed up in tin foil to teach us the foil method.)

Now that Gillette payed his tribute Thugy stopped sending out his kitchen tools of doom at him.

Kiwi: Well played Thugy! Now Rumlover, have you made your decision to go on this quest to rescue Elizabeth, currently on Cherryberry as a blob if you remember, and find her true love? If you do i can promise you everlasting peace on a quaint little island that could someday be owned by you, away from blacksmiths, people of the navy, and other odd people that are after you bothering you for various reasons. And before you ask...since i know you are wondering this yourself, the reason i'm not just doing this my self is because I am a kiwi, placed under an evil enchantment by a wizard failing at his magic, while both of us were visiting Antarctica for the coolest theme park ever, so sadly i have no legs and cannot cross this ocean without drowning. If there are people on the isle Cherryberry, in that blob like state, i cannot perform my ultimate powers i need to get back to normal.

"Hold up there a sec, savvy? Just how many people do we need to rescue from Cherryberry?" asked Jack.'

Kiwi: Well...I'm afraid to mention, three...three including Elizabeth. Elizabeth, Arwen, and Bucky the clown. (For you people who are reading this, and do not know who Arwen is, she is an elf in LOTR I just had to put her in!)

"Who is Arwen and Bucky the clown?" questioned Jack

Kiwi: Arwen is this beautiful elf princess who was donated to Thugy to keep her safe from the pain of death until her beloved Aragorn gets back from battle. Bucky the clown was given to Thugy as a Birthday present on his 10th Birthday so he would have an everlasting supply of ballons and kitchenware. The only record we have of Bucky's love is another clown somewhere in this world...we must find her, and Aragorn, and whomever Elizabeth is dreaming of now.

"OK...I think we should do this, I'm certainly ready for another adventure, mate! Anyone else up for a little party before our next adventure? There's sure to be lots o' rum!" said Jack gleefully eager to seek out these people, he doesn't really care for anyone on that island, he just wants his own private beach bash!

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AN: That's all i have for u 2day! I don't own anyone or company or thing i put in this very odd story that should finnally start having a meaning!! YAY!! let's try to get the review count up to 8 for the next chapter to be up savvy? So Gillette Joins the crew and the actual mission is starting...what now?

I need to add twelve more words just to make this story have 1000 words, hey look...I did it! Review! I need sum Ideas! Also...ignore the spelling errors in da AN's b/c they are not part of the story!


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